I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize