Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
