I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
