dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
