I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
