Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
