i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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