I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
