I showed him my bush... on skype.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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