I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
