you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize