Where did you get a picture of my penis
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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