i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
