she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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