Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
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