***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
