I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
