i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
