did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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