see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
