to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
