yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
