so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
