I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
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