so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
His hands were made for my vagina.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
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