if i can run in heels then i can drive
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I want her autograph on my taint
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
