there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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