the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
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