can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
