and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
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