She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
