I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Randomize
