Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
