He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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