is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize