so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
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