I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
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