you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
