You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
