The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Randomize
