With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
