i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
