Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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