just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
