yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
