Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
