I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
