My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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