I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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