no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
