i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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