Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
