My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
