I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
if i died would you start the facebook group?
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
