I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
