i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize
