When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
