Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
