i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
