We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
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He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
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