I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
