why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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