Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
