Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
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