a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
