It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
