I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
Randomize
