im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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