That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I love having hate sex.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
