hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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