I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
