i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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