I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
