Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
