I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Randomize
