Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
no, he came in my armpit
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Randomize
