Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
