so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
