shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
