Betty ford says i'm here all night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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