I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
